I wonder how, I wonder why

Written: All by me [Haneesha] bitches. Copy right, take any, I screw your ass.

I may be a drama queen

but at least I'm not a bitch

You always keep tearing me down

These wounds I have to stitch

Why I wonder

How I live

Surrounded in this so-called bliss

Hurting, bleeding from the inside

The pain it never seems to die

Slowly and steady everyday

Gathering up along the way

Hitting me with hard blows

Left and Right-that's how it goes

I wonder how

I wonder why

Were we put on this earth to suffer and die

Excruciating all the time

Sanity-I cannot find

Going out of my fucking mind

I wonder how

I wonder why

If there's ever a bright blue sky

If it's all some crazy lie

I wonder if I have a purpose

I wonder why it can't be seen

I wonder if I'll ever leave

Runaway

forget my past

Die pretty while living fast

Leave this place

where I feel so unjust

Screaming out

I'm letting loose

Tie me down?

I refuse

I don't care what you say

I do things MY WAY

There's not changing that

So you better make it a well-known fact

Haneesha is

Who Haneesha be

And that's forever how it is perceived.

Ok, so I haven't exactly been blogging

because nothing interesting has happened lately.
THis is gonne be a random post. Ignore the scattered thoughts.

Yes, my life a boring (note the emphasis on BOHring)

It's the holidays, and yes, I SHOULD be studying right now, but I haven't. I'm so bored of studying, and forcing myself isn't gonna make anything go IN. Yaknowwahtimsaying?

so, here I am.

Bored.

sleepy.

And I've lost my appetite!

I KNOW! isnt that just scary? I'm just not hungry. And im the person that really LOVES food. And now, I can't finish a plate of fried rice

*gasps in horror*

I don't know what's up with me...haish

And, lets see, what else?

Ive been UBER sleepy

I think my body is going "Honey, U have to study or die." So it has decided to DIE. :

I cleaned by room

THANK GOD

I feel so CLEAN. it was too cluttered, I guess that's why I oculdnt study? Idk man, I still dont feel like studying. wait, does anyone ever?

*bangs head on laptop*

Goddamnit

Weelll, on the plus side, I got my own song

LOL

I know all of you are probably jealous-dont be kayh, dont be :P HAHA

Credit goes to Rudy for that.

NYEH

And I was online just now just randomly browsing through pictures on deviantart and I came across a mushroom BOOB with TITS

SERIOUSLY

Its a mushroom shaped BOOB

WTH

Well, I got nothing else to post. sorry for the random stupid silly post. It happens

Omg. Lets not support KFC ever!



Watch more videos at KentuckyFriedCruelty.com.

Gotta love miley and not Chin-ASs girl. seriously, her chin looks like an ass. seems like theyre letting ANYONE in disney these days --

BM LISAN

Ok, today that's what happened. I had my BM Lisan. And it's by ministry folk.
So you can imagine, I was nervous as hell-which is kinda normal for me. Those who have debated and/or have done public speaking with me would know how I get. For those who don't, allow to explain:

Stage one:
Waking up in the morning, wanting to go through stuff but say no. Clear my mind, stomach like jello, I shower have breakfast ( what i CAN eat) and leave for my destiny

Stage two:
In school or the place of my destiny, I infect everyone with my nerves and tell people what I know. You know, exchange thoughts and ideas and views and INFORMATION.

Stage three:
Walking around or standing up. I cant sit, if i sit my tummy will explode and butterflies will come fluttering out, so I stand and walk.

Stage four:
Toilet.
Yes, I know this is really weird, but being in the toilet before a speaking event helps me, I go. walk around, calm myself-it's basically a place wehre I can collect my thoughts and organize them and say "YO BITCH, U CAN DO THIS. YOUVE DONE IT BEFORE. NO BIGGIE"

Stage five:
Relaxation + Confidence
aka SUCCESS

LOL

And stage one to stage five occurs within a time frame of 20 minutes.
Interesting right?

ANYWAYS, after completing stage one to five. I usually dont read anything or go through anything and I clear my mind outta everything and be neutral.
I got my topic, abt langkah langkah to improve the quality of water, so, I wasn't prepared for it but I knew somewhat about it. I read about pencemaran Sungai, I mean, sungai is where we get our sumber air mainly. Got my points, walked around and practiced. I mean, I have to organize my points.
I got called in the room. I wasn't nervous already. I was just saying to myself *dont say so...*
I have this bad habit of speaking BM and when I'm done i say "so..."
==
I gave the forms and my IC and stood there waiting to be asked to sit down. and they told me to sit, they looked at my IC and was like
"haneesha...(but these people can't see the H somehow so my name is pronounced as Hanisa), tinggal di, Jalan eDg...Ed..."
and i fnished it for her
"Jalan Edge*****. "
"Haneesha datang ke sekolah bagaimana?"
"Ibubapa"
"oh ok...Mengapa haneesha pilih sekolah sri pinang" (or something like that)
"Ini tahun pertama saya di sekolah ini. Saya rasa Guru di sekolah in lebih mahir dalam mengajar and kelas-kelas lebih kecil-oleh itu setiap pelajar mendapat lebih tumpuan daripada cikgu dalam setiap subjek" ( or something like that)
"oh, ok. Saya baca soalan"
She read the question and went silent.
So I asked
"boleh saya bermula?"
Shes like "boleh"
So, I spoke, I basically said that:

Firstly, We have to tighten and enforce the law daari segi perindustrian dan segi individu.what i meant by perindustrian is that, with perindustrian theres pollution, and they usually throw their sisa toksik into the water or rivers which are our sumber air, so to curb them we have denda. Dari segi Individu, I meant that when theres perindustrian, there will also be migrasi penduduk antara negeri dan nergara and dengan migrasi, there's bound to be more rubbish and prolly they'll throw it in the sea or river.

Secondly, because of all the migrasi like i said, the people would need a special place to throw rubbish, so to avoid all sorts of things being thrown in our water sources, we should have a specific place for it.

Thirdly, more dams(empangan). Like the air itam dam, the dam water is clean and filtered so, it hindari dari penyakit and u know the water is clean (i mean DUH)

Lastly, more alat penapic air, so that the water is filtered and definately clean can be sourced to homes.

I was done and I kept silent. Prepared for questions and they're like, ok u can go :
I was like Whatthafark, no questions?!
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. And I was the fastest to finish.

*que horror music*

It could be bad because:
I was totally outta topic that they were wtfark-ed by me and didn't want to torment themselves

It could be good because:
I covered everything and was fluent that there was no need to ask anything extra.

Anyways, that part was over. We got our second topic which is a forum/perbincangan
So, we decided to stick to perbincangan.
The topic was:
"Industri Pelancongan will make lots of profit, discuss."
So we discussed. and went into the room. and talked and talked. Me, Ivan and Chris kinda talked abit but Yee Yean was absolutely silent. And I think he panicked and brain froze or something. So, that was done for, and we came outta the room.

THe oral had finished, wheeee.
We can go home and it was only 9.30am :D
gotta love it
I THINK I did well.
What's ur opinion? leave it on the Tagboard if u have one
mwahs

Yes, it is 7.31 AM and I'm blogging. Isn't it a wonder why I'm doing so?

Well, it all started on Monday I guess.

You how IM trying to be HEALTHY and do JOGS and junk, well on Monday I think somehow I overdid it. I jog about 3 times a week since July at the Air Itam dam, now most of my non-existant readers would be like, eww, that places is gross- WELL ITS NOT! It's really serene and peaceful and clean. and there's like little turtles (ok, maybe not so little) swimming in the dam and my mom told me she spotted a snake before. Ok, anyways, Ive been tryna go faster and faster each week right to build up my non-existant stamina and I did pretty good this time, and I was proud of myself. Im a yoga/pilates freak and I do these stretches every morning, after I come home from school, before I shower and before bed. They're really simple stretches, nothing too extreme-just destresses me I guess. ANYWAYS, after my jog on monday, I did my usual stretches and showered. My left calf felt abit sore and in my mind i was happy
"whoo, my legs are sore, it's all good"
I mean, you know after a long run when something hurts you feel like u ran? and did something? Well, maybe that's just me... The next day, I didn't go to school and as usual, start of the day with Stretches, and calf felt a bit weird, I ignored it. Maybe it'll last a day or do. It was a very productive tuesday, I studied alot. Good ol' studies. Maybe I didn't study as much as I SHOULD have but hey, at least I studied, gotta give me credit for that. That nght before I slept, my left calf felt, sprained. And now it got to me
"oh shit. this is bad. shouldnt be hurting that bad" and Im a paranoid person. so, many other thoughts went through my mind "what if im cacat, what if it gets worse on thursday, what if I miss my BM ORAL EXAM "

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

I ran (maybe not RUN la, more of a limping walk, but if I said I walked limp-ly it would sound chun, so for the sake of chun-ness, I will say RUN) to the medicine cupboard downstairs and frantically searched for deep heat cream. You know, for muscle sores. I've torn my ligament before, so sprained muscles- WE'RE PREPARED.

THERE WAS NO DEEP HEAT. it was finished.

*que horror music*

SO, fine, I used the deep heat patch, it was...well weird and I just slept-la.

I dreamt of megan fox dying : Bad bad dream

I cant remember most of it but I remember waking up at night and saying, "megan fox cant die. no, she wont" and sleeping back. so I ASSUMED she died.

MEGAN FOX WILL LIVE ON

that's megan fox btw

I woke up this morning as usual, just chillin on my bed forawhile, breathing, getting my wake-up on, I moved my leg got out of bed, GAHH. the pain. Sometimes, you know, these sprains, when you wake up initially after not using ur legs or that particular muscle for a long time, you get this pain but it'll go after u walk it off? So i tried that and I did my stretches and it still hurt. I decided to have my breakfast first before I showered, and I did. My mom saw my leg and limp and I told her I'd have to walk up to put my bag in class, walk down for IT, walk up for Math, Walk down for physics and bio, walk up for lunch and walk down to go home. This, seemed straineous for my poor poor left calf muscle.

Mom found the calf thingy, brace is it? idk, forgot...WELL ITS 7.45am-Im excused for forgetting.

She managed to find a small teeny weeny packet of deep heat, rubbed my leg with it and put the brace thingy thing on it. She said if there's nothing on today, Id better rest and study at home so that I can go for the oral tomorrow (Thursday). I double checked with Ivan if the oral was tomorrow or today (paranoia) and Now I'm home. Awake, with stuff on my leg.

Front view

Side View

So, now I cant sleep coz I full of breakfast and since I've gotten my wake-up ON I gotta try to get it...off? LOL. idk la. WEll, thats basically it. Sucks man...I cant walk up or down. I think I need a wheelchair (overdramatic much)

So, just to IMPROVE my BM for my oral tomorrow, I will now translate it in summary in BM.

Hari Isnin ni, I peigi Jogging, pastu saya balik dan kan buat exercise, Baik tau untk badan. Tapi, selepas I ni Buat senaman saya, kaki saya ni sakit. I tak kisa la, buat apa...babitol. So, I ni, tak peigi sekolah ari Selasa sebab tak ada subjek berfaedah, lebeh baik I ni tinggal kat rumah dan belajak sendiri. Tapi malam ari selasa tu, Kaki saya lebih sakit, I ni nak bubuh ubat tapi dah habis, so I gunala ubat lain. Pagi ari Rabu, kaki saya lebih sakit. Mak kata lebih baik I duduk kat rumah, belajar dan reatka kaki saya ni. Oleh itula, I ni, sekanag di rumah buat semua benda benda ni. Takda kerja lain, kan baaru makan, mana bole tido balik? Kesianje. Babitol kaki ni.

LOL. sorry, decided to ry the slang on.

Think I did good? comment ur opinion in my tagboard. luv yas!

BYE

p/s: Here's an interesting and sweet link

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/25797678/?GT1=43001

15 weird things / habits / little known facts about Me

Tagged by Eivanne

1. I love spicy things
2. I Hate Bugs
3. I have low immunity and im anemic
4. I have an obsession with height
5. I can cook AND bake
6. I laugh too much
7. I tend to ground myself when I feel I have too much fun [weird I know]
8. I've gotten braces twice
9. I will be my schs valedictorian
10. I dont have stage fright
11. I can sing but I get shy
12.I'll be famous when I'm 21 [LOL]
13. I dont know what career Im gonna persue so Im gonna try to parasite of my mom and dad for as long as possible
14. I like tattoos and piercings not because I like to wear my earings but because I like getting pierced.
15. I love animals to death

I found out I have anaemia :

Isnt that scary? I feel like those sick people walking around with a disease. somehow.

for more info visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_deficiency_anemia

Let me reflect on how much my life has changed from last year:

Last year, school was a torture. Every morning I didn't want to wake up. It was so depressing walking through those unwelcoming gates. Looking around, smiling in the morning was hardly something I would do, and I would consider myself a generally happy person. Making my way up to the Prefects room (which I wanted to PIMP UP YA'LL), signing in before 7.00 a.m. was a must. rushing to my DUTY. I hated it. I regret ever TRYING out to be a prefect. I didn't make my life any better, in fact it made it worst, but I guess that's why I am the person I am today, I learnt from my MIStakes. The only reason I actually did it was because I wanted to proove to those who looked down upon me, who doubted me, who bitched about me, that fuck you i can do this shit too. Well, anyways, the bell would ring. I didn't want to go in class. I felt like everyone was against me. Studying was an opinion but when you're feeling so demotivated, study all you want-nothing is going in. Hardly people I can relate to in class, there were the few who spoke my language on some level, May, Shu, Steph, Ranj, the rest...not really. There were gangs, obviously, and you couldn't even THINK of trying to join them. Subjects come and go, I'll stare blankly at the board and wonder about how am I gonna survive. The only person who kept me sane was May who sat next to me for the whole year. She made me smile *lesbo moment* MAY I LERV YOU. Ranj was awesome too, she'd always used to bail class with me :) I think she knew what was going on with me. RANJ I LERV YOU MY LESBO Break time, after school, activities, duties. My life was like a sad pathetic routine. The weekends I wanted to get out. I was a teenager, no one understood me, what can I say. Mid year results, SCREWED UP BADLY. Had no mood to study for my end of year. I wanted my life to end. I hated living. every second was pure torture in my mind. Mentally I made it worse, Physically I abused myself. After my finals I gave up 100% percent. I was depressed. I thought of death every morning as soon as i wake up. I would not really smile. I wasn't in the mood to do anything, eat, sleep, tv, go out. It got to a point where my mom had to force me to go out. Dark eyeliner, low self esteem- I was an emo kid. I must say last year, my self esteem and my confidence dropped to a level so low that I am still building it up...
I told my parents I didnt want to go back there. Just thinking of it I could start (and sometimes DID) cry. They knew the only solution would be to change my school, they suggested CGL, MGS, SGGS and I said no to all of them. I didnt want to be in a Govt school. I had enough of crap. Uplands? Dalat? no... THere were even options of going to KL for boarding or something. Finally, I suggested Sri Pinang. It had a reputation of being a spoilt-rich-kid-school-with-no-standard. but i didnt have a choice anymore, my last resort. My dad, mom and I went to check out the school, we had a whole tour, I fell in love. my parents said, ok, and when they did, i felt a change. I was happier. New friends, new life, new everything, starting fresh.

My new school:
I remember the first day, I was scared, nervous, gosh, I entered the hall. All new faces. gosh gosh gs oh. I got settled in. Everyone was so friendly, the first week was hard and LONELY but hey, the teachers were good. and finally that willing to learn haneesha came back. I never said, I dowanna go. I made some great friends! And I love all of you guys to death! You have no idea how much I appreciate going to Sri Pinang...
:)
BEST CLASS IN THE WORLLDDDDDD

First Row (sitting), L-R: Chris, Mabel, Eivanne, Mr Siaw, Woof, Me, Nic

Second Row: Cze Yang, Johnnny, cho chia, Lin Kai, WESSLEEEYYY, Chiang, Alex, Chou Yong

Absentees: SOO LIP AND YEE YEAN ==

Im a wayy happier and nicer and better and gooder person now.
going to school is a joy, instead of a torture, i have no problems with it.
Sings in a bad tune:
WE ARE STUUUUUUDENTS OF SEKOLAH SRI PINANGGG
*ok, that's about all the lyrics I know for my sch song*

It's good sometimes to reflect on how your life was and is gonna be. It makes you think and appreciate life more. :)

Hi, my name is: Honey

Never in my life have I been: time travelling

High school: is a happy torture

When I'm nervous: I walk around alot...and talk fast.

The last song I listened to was: You're so gay by katy perry

If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: Patrick dempsey that guy from made of honour!

My hair is: an animal named Mic who is alive living on my head

When I was 5: I was awesome-er thn i am now

Last Christmas: I gave u my heart? the very next day, u gave it away. this year, to save me from tears, ill give it to someone special.

I should be: studying. OOPSIEEE

When I look down I see: my tummy. damnit!

The happiest recent event was: going for the spa treatment thingy. oohmmmm shakalakalakala

If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be: Rachel, spoilt, hot and rich :P hahaha

By this time next year: I'd be thin...i hope

My current gripe is: trying to do as many things possible in my youth

I have a hard time understanding: physics and add math

There's this girl I know that: kissed another girl and liked it...wait that girl is me ==

You know I like you when: I flirt. ALOT. but i do tht with everyone. OOPs

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: Mommy

Take my advice: nothing will come of nothing

The thing I want to buy: are aldo shoesss! I have a shoe obsession

I plan to visit : Shia Labeouf <3

If you spent the night at my house: you;d never want to leave

I'd stop my wedding if: my groom isnt a celebrity ;) LOL

The world could do without:Morons making surveys like these

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: seriously, I'd do ANYTHING but lick the belly of a roach. wth man. *shudders*

Most recent thing I've bought myself: A life. LOL. oh wait, I HAVE NO LIFE.. curses SPM

Most recent thing someone else bought me: A book :D

In the morning I :dowanna wake up...coz i like to sleeeeeeeeeeep

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: elephants. hey, dumbo did it right?!

Once, at a bar: I ordered a drink, and they knew i was 17, so i made my sis order it, thn drank it :D

Last night I was: pissed at the thunder keeping me awake.

If I was an animal I'd be: a black leopard. :D mrrreeow

A better name for me would be: Mrs. Shia LaBeouf ;)

Tomorrow I am: going to study...YES.

Tonight I am: going to sleep. DUH.

My birthday is: OVER :(

HELL YEAH

I KNOW U ALL JEALOUS :P

another day WASTED
I don't know why my body picked this week to get sick.
I don't enjoy getting sick, it's just that I get sick REALLLLY easily.
At home, everyone is so used to me being unwell that we actually have stock on all the common medications that I take so my doctors visits are well, less frequent.

Let me tell you how easy it is for me to get sick.

If I eat:
Strawberries
White Chocolate
Sour grapes

Ill get a sorethroat.

wth right?

Anyways, it started as a normal common cold on sunday afternoon. But usually it stops after a while but the KILLER cold got worse and it became *horror music* a never ending fuckeduply flu. seriously. and fine. whatever, jsut a cold. I usually go for this jog every sunday evening with my parents but didnt because:
1. IM INVISIBLE and was alone most of the day
2. I wasnt feeling to good annways
I decided that maybe a hot shower will help get rid of this *beep* [has been cenceored due to overlt sensative people] and when I got out of the shower, my throat felt FUZZY. oh whatever. I had ROTI CANAI and FISH CURRY for dinner and at about 10pm I felt lethargic and mum said it'll be better if I took Monday off. Fine, I did. and i was with a fever, flu and sorethroat the whole. and today TUESDAY Im still sick. wth. and i dont feel any better. I cant sleep and i feel so STUFFED. gahh *bangs head on table*

Not only am I sick and most things dont make sense
I HAVE FREAKKIN TRIALS and SPM coming soon
:\
great. just great.