Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Wow, isn't it scary how time flies? It's new years eve. 2008 is ending. Everything that ended with an 08 will never repeat itself and will go into the halls of memories. Memories. Ah. How I wish we could remember everything exactly the way it was. Remembering every day, every touch, every scent and every colour. Picturing everything the exact way it was but alas that wasn't a gift given to us. But triggers can awaken those memories and we'll smile as we look back upon time- a melancholic smile. A smile that will bring back the bittersweet moments that have come and gone. It makes me think that as of this moment writing this, next year when I'm writing another one for the end of 09 I wont remember the exact way I'm feeling now. So much has happened this year... I finally have relief. I finally can breathe. Another volume in the Saga of Haneesha's life has been closed and now lies on the shelves of time (how's that for artistic?) and my new book starts on January 1 2009. I think somehow this year went by too fast. Feels like only yesterday I was walking into the Sri Pinang hall not knowing what to expect. I somehow rather think I missed out a lot because I was mostly home. I didn't soak up the year 2008. But I guess in a way because of that I found myself. I found who I am. I found me. I found Haneesha. I don't have to look in the mirror anymore and wonder why am i here? what's my purpose? who am I? I don't just see a blur, I see a real person- passionate, kind, smilish and, dare i say this, confident. I learnt that I don't need people to be happy and I'm perfectly fine being alone in deep thought. I don't give a shit about what people think of me and I really don't care because your opinion of me couldn't matter less to me. I found friends who don't think I'm a rich-arrogant-little-prat-who-shows-off-all-the-time-because-she-always-gets-what-she-wants-anyways and people who aren't gonna use me and befriend me because of me. My beloveds. I realised that if I fall I fall with grace. I am a ballerina, dancing on the stage of life. If I stumble, I get back up and pick up where I left of and dancing along to the beat. I don't need to change to be accepted by anyone, people need to change their perception on me. I can't please anyone and I don't intend to. I love myself- deal with it. I realised that you can't please everyone and someone out there is gonna hate you for no apparent reason and YES it will hurt and will stay on like a scar that can never heal but you learn to live with it. I realised that just because someone goes to an expensive school it doesn't mean that they're more mature. I learnt to let go, I learnt to forgive. I learnt that it's okay to be left out, it's fine to be the minority. I learnt that... this is me.

Reflections of me
I close my eyes
I see
How truly
I am meant to me
I cry a tear
A tear of relief
Because I finally realised
I found my bliss
-by honey, 31 Dec 2008-
Happy new year everyone (:


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