Thursday, 30 October 2008

Ich bin deine Ritze / Ich bin deine Ritze und Schlitze

I am your scratches / I am your scratches and slits

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

The heart is stronger than you think,
It’s like it can go through anything.
And even when you think it can’t it finds a way to still push on, though

Sometimes you want to run away, Ain’t got the patience for the pain
And if you don’t believe it look into, your heart the beat goes on

I’m tellin’ you that,

Things get better, Through whatever

If you fall, dust it off, don’t let up

Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle

You need to know

If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough, But the heart keeps telling you don’t give up

Who are we to be..questioning, wondering what is what

It’s like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face

Just because you go through it

Don’t mean it got to take control, no

You ain’t gotta find no hiding place

Because the heart can beat the hate

Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you

And sayin’ you can’t go on

I’m tellin’ you that

Things get better
Through whatever

If you fall

Dust if off, don’t let up

Don’t you know you

Can go

Be your own


You need to know

You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind

If you fall, dust it off

You can live your life


Let your heart be your guide

Yeah yeah yeah

And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good

Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart

And it will get better

Through whatever


You got it in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
You got in now, find it within now
You got in you, find it within
Find it within you, find it within


Monday, 27 October 2008

THIS IS A RANT. seriously. dont read if you dont want to read me rant.

Ok, so basically my life has been a pathetic routine that i want to break out of.
I am stressed hence suffering mild depression? Is that normal when you get stressed?
Dont take me wrong here, I think me being stress shows that I actually care about this SPM thingy because 96% of the time I dont get stressed. So... I am happy but unhappy that I'm stressed. Does that even make sense?
Because I usually take life as it goes. And frankly speaking the "getting straight A's for SPM" is so lame. Not that I dont care about getting straight A's or whatever I just think it's so overrated. I mean, even with B's you can still enter the university and stuff unless you were aiming for a scholarship - thn you'd have no choice BUT to get straight A's.
But think about it, why all the hype? I mean, at the end of the day, in the long run, its about how much you earn and if your job can support a lifestyle that you want to live after your education is over. or so to say, once you become an adult in the real world (because apparently the world that we teenagers live in is the fake world)

I hate routine. I cannot express how much I hate routine. I jsut want to be able to do what I want when i want how I want. My mom says after SPM I can go out and do what I want when I want and how I want-but we all know that's not happening la. Lol. After my PMR I was promised that and i didnt get it. I pointed it out to my mom and she's like well now you're older and i gave her the "yeah right sure" look. I mean seriously. I sometimes feel claustrophobic. like the walls around me are slowly caving in. I need one day to just sleep and do nothing. I know I have those days but I feel so exhausted la. Like, Really. Mentally and physically.

Ok this is gonna be so out of topic. But i cannot stand rejection. Maybe its because I was brought up that way? I dont know. I usually get what I want (Within limit) and have the last say. Not having the last say in smething is making me pissed. It's like for instance if you hate me and you come crawling back to me, I want the satisfaction of hating you last? Omg. Imsuchabitch. But you get the idea! I like to be in control. so yeah. that's bugging me too.

There's also the weight/height/looks issue. People see me as confident. LOL. lets just say im a good faker. We all have our insecurities. I have mine. And some days they re just staring you in the face. so...basically you feel really crappie.

Also ALSO,yes theres more, Ive been home alot more now. Like home alone. 2 days now. With leftover dinners and sandwiches. yay me ? anyways, I used to have hamsters. the last one died this year (godblesshissoul) and I want a dog. I WANT A DOG. I want one so badly. But there's a part of me going, no I dont want one. I dont have time for one. and another part going BUT YES YOU DO. ok let me make this easier to understand
me : I want a dog laa. Im so lonely. Ive wanted one since I was 9 but never got one!
Me2: Yea, but you don't have time or a dog. You're 17! you're going to college soon. Do you think you'd have time for one? Are mum and dad gonna be keeping it? and you know dad doesn't really like animals. His favorite pet would be a fish for christ sake.

Me: But maybe I can work something out. Or foster pets or something!
Me2: But you don't even have a garden!
Me: Ah, but My apartment is 2 stories! and we have the whole library area and stuff that's practically empty!
Me2: Are you gonnna be cleaning the dog or is mom?
Me2: When you go to college?
ME: well..

So that's basically is what is going on

SO I HAVE DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH mild depression and maybe anxiety and bipolar disorder teamed with insomnia?.
the end of the rant.

Sunday, 26 October 2008

Suicide Butterfly
Fluttering my way
Saying , "Hey Honey, tomorrow is NOT a better day"
Crawling in my thoughts
Screwing with my mind
Suicide butterfly will show you how your perfect life
isn't fine
-Written by Honey
I need help.

Monday, 20 October 2008

I found this essay I wrote
like, 3 years? The if i could change the world one.
It's pretty lame. I didnt expect to win but I guess I wanted to share my view on the whole race/religion thing.

If I could change the world
The world that we live in has an abundance of problems. Racism, Religious discrimination, war, poverty, pollution are just some issues that connect to us in one way or another. Have you ever wondered what could possibly be the root of these problems? Well, I strongly think that it is Racism and Religious discrimination. That is why if I could change the world, I would make everyone of one race and religion.
Let me start by explaining how all the problems I’ve stated above are interconnected. We start with racism and religious discrimination. Someone somewhere could have made a rather harsh statement that offended many people of a certain race or religion which might lead to war, the second problem. Innocent people who are in the middle of this war will suffer a great deal and thus poverty due to lack of food and basic necessities. The bomb blasts which contain many toxic chemical gasses which will cause pollution and the depletion of the ozone layer thus the greenhouse effect which will harm us, the human race. See my point?
Racism. What is it? We’ve all either read about it, experienced it personally or know of someone who has, but what is it? It mainly refers to the beliefs, practices and institutions that differentiate and discriminate against people based on their race. Primarily, it refers to an assumption that the human species can be divided into different races, coupled with hostility toward people of a certain race and that races differ in value. Some people even believe that races can be placed on a ranked hierarchical scale!
Racism is divided into three major categories which are individual racism such as when someone like an employer does not hire, promote or fires you in whole or part due to your race. The second is structural racism, which starts from individual racism to become a structure of a one-race policy. The last is ideological racism, racism without knowing someone of that race but has an assumption or conception about that certain race. Researches at the University of Chicago and Harvard found out in a 2003 study that there was widespread discrimination at the workplace against job applicants whose names were merely perceived as “sounding black” even though they had excellent qualifications and many years of experience.
Racism goes on everywhere everyday all around the world, in schools, homes, offices and many other places. I too have been a victim of racism as one of friend’s father does not like her mixing with other races with the exception of her own. I am a born Mix and my roots can be traced back all the way to Pakistan and Mongolia but it does not mean I am any lesser than a Chinese or that I am a terrorist! The United Nations uses a definition of racial discrimination laid out in the International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination and adopted in 1966 which states, “…any distinction, exclusion, restriction or preference based on race, colour, descent or national or ethnic origin which has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life”. Remember, you cannot fight racism with racism; the best way to fight it is with solidarity.
Religious discrimination is also a big problem that we face daily. Religious discrimination is treating a person or group lower because of their perceived “inferior” or “valueless” religion or treating someone differently because of what they do not or do believe. While many religious and secular authorities nowadays tend to stress that religion is something personal, the highly social nature of most religions creates conflicts between religious groups, and thus discrimination.
Adolf Hitler was the most heartless of all human beings in racial and religious discrimination. He was against the Jews and tried to eliminate them from the face of our earth. He without doubt is the German leader responsible for the Holocaust, which killed millions of Jews, the disabled, homosexuals and gypsies during World War II. He used to say, “If I can send the flower of the German nation into the hell of war without the smallest pity for the shedding of precious German blood, then surely I have the right to remove millions of an inferior race that breeds like vermin.” Apart from Adolf Hitler, The Klu Klux Klan or better known as the KKK whom are also similar to Hitler in many ways as they are a group that advocates anti-Semitism and show hatred to anyone who is not white.
Lamb Gaede and Lynx Gaede are 13-year-old American twins whom are getting attention for the angry and hateful lyrics they sing in their pop act, Prussian Blue. They perform at gatherings for the Klu Klux Klan and wear T-shirts with Adolf Hitler smiley faces on them. They both think that Hitler was a great man who was trying to preserve his race and country and do not believe in mixing races as it will be a “big mess”. Their mother, April, is a racist who has brought up the girls to believe that whites are the superior race. She has been home-schooling them, teaching them her version of history that downplays the Holocaust.
Much effort has been exhausted to eliminate racism and religious discrimination to promote equality and unity among people of different races and religions but they have all failed miserably. Malaysia’s newest project is National Service, a three month program whose main goal is to promote unity and understanding among the students of different races and religions. This project will benefit in many ways other than Racism and Religious discrimination. Racism and Religious discrimination isn’t born, it’s taught. If 11 years of schooling does not change that, how can 3 months? These values should be taught at a very young and vulnerable age.
Why do we seem destined to define ourselves with labels? Labels are mere words. If we want others to know what we are, why not show them? Show them through action. Actions still speak louder than words. I do not care if you are a Buddhist, a Muslim, a White, a Christian, a Hindu, a Black, a Jew, a follower of any countless other faiths, traditions, paths, colour, race or religions that are spread throughout this World.
We are all one. One human family, one world, one universe. As the Dalai Lama says it, "All human beings come from a mother's womb. We are all the same part of one human family. We should have a clear realization of the oneness of all humanity." Only when we understand this, there would be no racism or religious discrimination.
I thank you for letting me share my views. Sharing is how we learn from others. Through sharing comes understanding. From understanding comes trust. From trust comes friendship. From friendship comes hope and admiration. From all of these great things there comes peace. That is why if I could change the world, I would eliminate all but one religion and race.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

I am so obseesed with vampires- you have no idea! So I decided to make myself one. haha. These are the steps on how i did it. nyeh. I AM A VAMPIRE.

The Original

Changing skin and eye colour

Adding make up and fangs

A lil bloood :D

Crop and add watermark

and contrast it using curves.

took me about an hour ++ to do. haha :D


Thursday, 16 October 2008

I’m a slut because I’ll wear shorts and a tank top

I’m a bitch because I don't let you push me around

I’m a liar because I won't tell you everything

I’m stupid because sometimes I’m wrong

I’m ugly because my face isn't perfect

I’m a whore because I like boys

I’m annoying because I’m not chill enough

I’m a loser because I’m not friends with your group

I’m a playgirl because I don’t fall for every guy I meet

I use people because I do what’s best for me

I’m fake because most of the time I’m happy

I’m weird because I’m not like you

I’m controlling because I get mad sometimes

I’m clingy because I like to be around people

I’m greedy because I like to be satisfied

I’m naive because I’m younger than you

I’m conceited because I’m proud of who I am

I’m rude because my manners aren't perfect

I’m unappreciative because I don't praise you

I’m self-obsessed because I have a lot to say

Don't try to tell me who I am because you have no idea.

From a book I read
Each Paragraph is from a different page.
I decided to share:
Never trust fairy tales, any story that ends with "They all lived happily ever after" is a crock. There are no happy endings. No endings, full stop. Life goes on. There's always something new around the corner. You can overcome major obstacles, face great danger, look evil in the eye and live to tell the tale - but that's not the end. Life sweeps you forward, swings you round, bruises and batters you, drops some new drama or strategy on your lap, never lets go until you reach one true end - death. As long as you're breathing, your story's still going.
Life isn't a fairy tale. Stories don't end.
They continue as long as you're alive. You just have to get on with things. Turn the page, start a new chapter, find out what's in store for you next, and keep your fingers crossed that it's not too awful. Even if you know in your heart and soul that it most probably will be.
There are no happy endings.
Remember that.

Saturday, 11 October 2008

I got it through a forwarded email
Think about it.

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Boys are cheats and liars,
They’re such a big disgrace,
They will tell you anything
To get to second base-

-ball, baseball,
He thinks he's gonna score,
If you let him go all the way
Then you are a whore-

-ticulturists study flowers,
Geologists study rocks,
The only thing a guy wants from you
Is a place to put his cock-

-roaches, beetles,
Butterflies, and bugs,
Nothing makes him happier
Than a giant pair of jug-

-lers and acrobats
And dancing bears named chuck,
All boys want to do is...
Forget it no such luck.

Monday, 6 October 2008

Sunday, 5 October 2008

A boy of seven threw a zoo’s rare reptiles to the resident crocodile and bludgeoned other creatures to death.

CCTV recorded the child laughing as he rampaged round the Australian reptile farm, his mother making no attempt to stop him.

Ten lizards, turtles and other reptiles were devoured by the crocodile, while three were pounded to death with rocks during the 30-minute killing spree.

‘This behaviour is sickening,’ said Rex Neindorf, director of the Alice Springs Reptile Centre.

Staff were particularly upset by the loss of a female Spencer’s goanna, a type of lizard, which he bludgeoned to death with a rock.

The animals were worth £3,500.

Mr Neindorf plans to sue the child’s parents because he is three years under the legal age of criminal responsibility. Police are to interview them.

The boy, whose deadly acts were caught on the zoo's security camera, also threw several live animals to Terry over the two fences surrounding the crocodile's enclosure.
At one point, the youngster climbed over the outer fence to get closer to the giant reptile.

In the footage, the boy's face remains largely blank.
'It was like he was playing a game,' Mr Neindorf said.
He killed 13 animals, including a turtle, bearded dragons and thorny devil lizards.

Although none were rare, some would be difficult to replace, the zoo director added.

'We're horrified that anyone can do this, and saddened by the age of the child,' Mr Neindorf said.
Alice Springs police said they identified the boy, who lives locally, but were unable to press charges because of his age.

Children under age 10 are not criminally liable under the law in the Northern Territory.
'By all accounts, he's quite a nasty 7-year-old,' said Neindorf.

'If we can't put the blame onto the child, then someone has to accept the responsibility.'
The zoo's security system, which relies on sensors, probably did not detect the boy because he is so small.

Click the link to see pictures of the demonic child.

When I heard this I was utterly shocked.
I mean first of all, killing at any age is BAD.
but killing at 7! WHATTHAFARk


I want to give him a tight slap la

Friday, 3 October 2008

I dont know why, recently ive been more philosophical. And thinking about life. And time. And memories. And basically feel all melancholy ish.

"There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass" (Charles Kuralt)

I guess that just means I'm stressed.

I tend to think about everything when I'm stressed.

I dont understand why people want to waste their lives away.
There are so many aspects and different interpretations of wasting your life.
There's the basic and most common wasting of life which is basically throwing your life away- drugs, smoking, excessive partying? and not giving a shit basically.

I think that's just dumb, if anyone does that slap em!

I believe I was born for greatness. I think we all were born to achieve and do greaat things. Not super uberly great things like finding the cure for cancer but greatness in ones own point of view.
Confused? I BET YOU ARE
Well, like, when you help someone, even if it's something so insignificant to you (or them) is a great thing. Like, when you see someone drop a 50 note as tempted as you are to take it you stop them and return their cash.
That is a great thing.
Or maybe if your go to the animal shelter just to play with the pets for a day.
That is a great thing.
Or how about being polite to your parents for a day.
That is a great thing.
Or even telling someone u love them.
That is a great thing.
We all are capable of great things and even if we're rejected or unappreciated for the things that we do, we shouldnt feel bad or upset about it, but rather rejoice the fact that we actually did it.We didn't hesitate, we didn't procrastinate, we did it.

I try to live life with no regrets.

I think everything that ive done whether good or bad has made an impact
I dont go around wishing people shoot me
or wishing I hadnt hung out with that person
or wish i could turn back time to redo anything
I would turn back time to relive my memories
But to change anything- never.

SPM so near
but I dont feel like studying
I just want to die on the floor
or start partying
Where my party people at
well yeah :\

I wish everyone was loved tonight
and somehow stop this endless fight
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
-Goo goo dolls, better days