Wow, isn't it scary how time flies? It's new years eve. 2008 is ending. Everything that ended with an 08 will never repeat itself and will go into the halls of memories. Memories. Ah. How I wish we could remember everything exactly the way it was. Remembering every day, every touch, every scent and every colour. Picturing everything the exact way it was but alas that wasn't a gift given to us. But triggers can awaken those memories and we'll smile as we look back upon time- a melancholic smile. A smile that will bring back the bittersweet moments that have come and gone. It makes me think that as of this moment writing this, next year when I'm writing another one for the end of 09 I wont remember the exact way I'm feeling now. So much has happened this year... I finally have relief. I finally can breathe. Another volume in the Saga of Haneesha's life has been closed and now lies on the shelves of time (how's that for artistic?) and my new book starts on January 1 2009. I think somehow this year went by too fast. Feels like only yesterday I was walking into the Sri Pinang hall not knowing what to expect. I somehow rather think I missed out a lot because I was mostly home. I didn't soak up the year 2008. But I guess in a way because of that I found myself. I found who I am. I found me. I found Haneesha. I don't have to look in the mirror anymore and wonder why am i here? what's my purpose? who am I? I don't just see a blur, I see a real person- passionate, kind, smilish and, dare i say this, confident. I learnt that I don't need people to be happy and I'm perfectly fine being alone in deep thought. I don't give a shit about what people think of me and I really don't care because your opinion of me couldn't matter less to me. I found friends who don't think I'm a rich-arrogant-little-prat-who-shows-off-all-the-time-because-she-always-gets-what-she-wants-anyways and people who aren't gonna use me and befriend me because of me. My beloveds. I realised that if I fall I fall with grace. I am a ballerina, dancing on the stage of life. If I stumble, I get back up and pick up where I left of and dancing along to the beat. I don't need to change to be accepted by anyone, people need to change their perception on me. I can't please anyone and I don't intend to. I love myself- deal with it. I realised that you can't please everyone and someone out there is gonna hate you for no apparent reason and YES it will hurt and will stay on like a scar that can never heal but you learn to live with it. I realised that just because someone goes to an expensive school it doesn't mean that they're more mature. I learnt to let go, I learnt to forgive. I learnt that it's okay to be left out, it's fine to be the minority. I learnt that... this is me.
The Coquet of Life
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
Reflections of me
I close my eyes
I am meant to me
I cry a tear
A tear of relief
Because I finally realised
I found my bliss
-by honey, 31 Dec 2008-
Happy new year everyone (:
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
Ok, I read this book Somaly Mam which is the true story of a Cambodian who fled sexual slavery and now decodes her life to rescuing others.
I love reading books like this because it's just wonderful how people with the odds stacked against them manage to overcome it all to promote a better life for themselves and somehow spread a better and more humane world for others. It makes me appreciate life more and gives me hope that if they can do it when their life was so horrible, why not me ? And I have a great family who supports me through thick and thin. They had nothing. They didn't have material possessions that I have, they didn't have anything. All they had were the clothes on their back and a glimmer of hope to push on each day, to hope for a better tomorrow...to survive.
Anyways If you have read books like Chinese Cinderella and even after all this time, this book is a must read. And if you haven't read those two books, they must be read too. Seriously.
So this book basically talks about trafficking. How children are sold as sex slaves- raped, beaten, abused by 20 men each day. How virgins are sewed without anaesthetics and resold for weeks as "virgins" as in Cambodia they believe virgins can cure... aids? And some children start at the age of 8 and being to "small" men cut open their vuhjayjays with knifes. How horrible is that?! It's a real eye opener.
Please visit the sites to know more about this and how to help curb this horrible fate for millions of young women
Monday, 8 December 2008
I will never understand this irony of life.
I hate it.
My life ALWAYS seems to be screwed up.
One thing or another ALWAYS happens. Im a loner. I admit. People are nice to be around, but most of the time, I like to be alone with my thoughts.
Sometimes, I really just want to run away.
I have been suicidal. I have had those thoughts. Living is harder than dying. And every day I slowly drift to the obscure.
The happy face? That's just an act.
I don't procrastinate, I hate everyone.
If I were to die tomorrow, I'll die with no regrets.
And I doubt anyone would even notice I'm gone...I mean...I was never here, right ?
Saturday, 6 December 2008
It's been a while since I blogged, I mean, really... It's just that nothing has really been happening in my life. Same old routines and Im not abt to blog "oh i went here and there and here and i bought this" and spam it with pictures everyday. Basically I've been living. You'd think after spm I'd be bored, but somehow there's just so much for me to do. and it's great! Any who, when something interesting DOES come up, ill definitely share my train of tots with my fellow non existent readers.