Friday, 4 July 2008

Let me reflect on how much my life has changed from last year:

Last year, school was a torture. Every morning I didn't want to wake up. It was so depressing walking through those unwelcoming gates. Looking around, smiling in the morning was hardly something I would do, and I would consider myself a generally happy person. Making my way up to the Prefects room (which I wanted to PIMP UP YA'LL), signing in before 7.00 a.m. was a must. rushing to my DUTY. I hated it. I regret ever TRYING out to be a prefect. I didn't make my life any better, in fact it made it worst, but I guess that's why I am the person I am today, I learnt from my MIStakes. The only reason I actually did it was because I wanted to proove to those who looked down upon me, who doubted me, who bitched about me, that fuck you i can do this shit too. Well, anyways, the bell would ring. I didn't want to go in class. I felt like everyone was against me. Studying was an opinion but when you're feeling so demotivated, study all you want-nothing is going in. Hardly people I can relate to in class, there were the few who spoke my language on some level, May, Shu, Steph, Ranj, the rest...not really. There were gangs, obviously, and you couldn't even THINK of trying to join them. Subjects come and go, I'll stare blankly at the board and wonder about how am I gonna survive. The only person who kept me sane was May who sat next to me for the whole year. She made me smile *lesbo moment* MAY I LERV YOU. Ranj was awesome too, she'd always used to bail class with me :) I think she knew what was going on with me. RANJ I LERV YOU MY LESBO Break time, after school, activities, duties. My life was like a sad pathetic routine. The weekends I wanted to get out. I was a teenager, no one understood me, what can I say. Mid year results, SCREWED UP BADLY. Had no mood to study for my end of year. I wanted my life to end. I hated living. every second was pure torture in my mind. Mentally I made it worse, Physically I abused myself. After my finals I gave up 100% percent. I was depressed. I thought of death every morning as soon as i wake up. I would not really smile. I wasn't in the mood to do anything, eat, sleep, tv, go out. It got to a point where my mom had to force me to go out. Dark eyeliner, low self esteem- I was an emo kid. I must say last year, my self esteem and my confidence dropped to a level so low that I am still building it up...
I told my parents I didnt want to go back there. Just thinking of it I could start (and sometimes DID) cry. They knew the only solution would be to change my school, they suggested CGL, MGS, SGGS and I said no to all of them. I didnt want to be in a Govt school. I had enough of crap. Uplands? Dalat? no... THere were even options of going to KL for boarding or something. Finally, I suggested Sri Pinang. It had a reputation of being a spoilt-rich-kid-school-with-no-standard. but i didnt have a choice anymore, my last resort. My dad, mom and I went to check out the school, we had a whole tour, I fell in love. my parents said, ok, and when they did, i felt a change. I was happier. New friends, new life, new everything, starting fresh.

My new school:
I remember the first day, I was scared, nervous, gosh, I entered the hall. All new faces. gosh gosh gs oh. I got settled in. Everyone was so friendly, the first week was hard and LONELY but hey, the teachers were good. and finally that willing to learn haneesha came back. I never said, I dowanna go. I made some great friends! And I love all of you guys to death! You have no idea how much I appreciate going to Sri Pinang...

First Row (sitting), L-R: Chris, Mabel, Eivanne, Mr Siaw, Woof, Me, Nic

Second Row: Cze Yang, Johnnny, cho chia, Lin Kai, WESSLEEEYYY, Chiang, Alex, Chou Yong
Absentees: SOO LIP AND YEE YEAN ==

Im a wayy happier and nicer and better and gooder person now.
going to school is a joy, instead of a torture, i have no problems with it.
Sings in a bad tune:
*ok, that's about all the lyrics I know for my sch song*

It's good sometimes to reflect on how your life was and is gonna be. It makes you think and appreciate life more. :)


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